Today, I went to UST (University of Santo Tomas). I took my first step to actual survival, and decided to finally go see a psychiatrist. I have been having thoughts of suicide for more than a year now, and lately it has been getting worse to the point of tying me down in bed and actually pushing me so close to the edge. So I went to UST for a cheaper consultation fee. Unfortunately, there weren’t any doctors today. But there will be some available tomorrow so I will go back.
Dan went with me today. He has constantly been encouraging me and reminding me that there is more to expect in this life, and offered to come with me to see a psychiatrist.
So it was a fun day even tho my agenda wasn’t actually met yet. It was a novelty for us for one important reason: we commuted. On our way to UST, we kinda cheated by taking an Uber, but the banter we had made the traffic worth it. Even the Uber driver had fun with our weirdness. We passed by Dan’s old house which is now a commercial building, and I let him reminisce of the good ol’ days.
We went to Robinson’s Magnolia after going to UST. We walked, rode a tricycle to LRT Legarda Station, took the train. We ate and window shopped, shared stories and fooled around. We visited several stores and pretended to shop for furnitures and guitars.
After that we went to SM Centerpoint via jeep, to revisit a mall that has been a huge part of our separate high school lives. There we were supposed to buy Zagu and have a studio photo taken in Photoline but we didn’t find Zagu, and we felt awkward getting our “jeje” photos in the studio. Instead we left our faces on several devices in the Apple store there. So we walked around SM Centerpoint and decided to go up the cinema. There is a karaoke hub there were we sang weird songs for an hour. Afterwards we decided we should start heading home. But we stopped by this bookstore that sells cheap pre-loved books. We decided to buy a book each from the buy one take one shelf. It will be like a blind date for books. We judged the books by their titles and purchased them.
Then we went home via train again. There we talked about how our different worlds collide in that same train and I encouraged him to write a song about it.
When the train ride ended we parted ways. He told me he hasn’t been legitimately happy in a very long while. So have I. Tho I had some reservations like how he was texting her while we were having quality time.
It was an overall happy day. I hope I can cling to this happy feeling. I can already feel the cloud hanging over my head.
He left his watch with me. Told me “now you have my time.”